Adolescence is a wake-up call to action. There is no time to lose.

For me, the most disturbing thing about ‘Adolescence’ - Netflix’s new four-part drama, which examines themes of knife crime, toxic masculinity, incels, the impact of internet/social media on young minds, and the role of parents in 2025 - was how little it disturbed me. 

Although I hope it will sound a wake-up call to children, parents, schools, the government, and frankly everyone else across the country who has any contact with children (especially boys), the sound I heard when watching it was that of ringing bells. 

It was sadly all too familiar and all too common. I’ve been hearing about these themes every day, both from clients inside the secondary schools I work, and from the clients who come to see me in my counselling room. These clients are the alienated and targeted teenage and pre-teenage boys, who are fed a diet of anti-women dogma and self-loathing by men who position themselves as role models; the girls they treat like objects and possessions, and who often experience the violence and demeaning words and treatment which flows from the hate-filled philosophies spewed at these boys; the parents who are wrestling with how to navigate the confusing world of TikTok, Instagram and YouTube influencers, people who are filling a vacuum and are keeping boys company in their bedrooms online each evening; and, they are the teachers who are stressed out by the unmanageable burdens of workload and complexity they face in schools, which mean they have no time or energy to spot students who are heading into a dark hole.

Make no mistake, Adolescence is not telling a one-off story or showing an isolated incident. It is telling a story that is unfolding in every town, city and school in the UK. It is showing us the tip of an enormous iceberg which is destroying lives up and down the country. 

It is not the story of one stabbing and one death alone - although tragically it is that - it is the story of how young boys are being influenced to believe there is only one way to be “a man”, and one way to see and treat girls and women. 

We must be strong. They must be brought into line. Their weakness is our strength. The 80/20 rule, means that so many men have to “trick” women - that was the word used in the series - to attract them. Kidney beans. Red pills. 100 points. Different-coloured emojis. It may feel like a different language but it is the language used by teens and young men everywhere. 

Out of the many deeply-troubling aspects of toxic masculinity (and I am ok using that phrase without defining it - BTW, I think we should focus less on the words and what they mean and more on the realities of what is happening in bedrooms and classrooms around the country) portrayed by the writers, producers and actors in Adolescence, was the admission that Jamie felt he only had a chance with Katie when she was at her lowest - when she was vulnerable. This deliberate, premeditated action on his behalf revealed so much about the mess we are in. When a girl is vulnerable, that is the time to strike. The time to “trick” her. Her rejection of him - her confirmation of him as an incel in his own mind - led us to the confrontation in the car park.  

This sequence of events in Adolescence said so much about how these boys view these girls and how they view themselves. It is hard to decide which was sadder: how much Jamie hated Katie, or how much he hated himself. This self-loathing, fed by his peers and the endless, relentless, constant pressure of social media to conform to the perfect look and bearing, left him feeling not good enough. Ugly. Unloveable. Unlikeable. 

The young people I have seen so far this week are talking about Adolescence. They are telling me what they think. But they have been telling me this for years. The rumours around schools. The group chats. The misogny. The violence. The rules they have to follow when in a relationship. The names they are called. The names they call others. The emojis. The hours and hours and hours and hours spent online. The self-harming. The eating disorders. The suicide attempts. The drugs. The drink. The parks. The knives. The lives in pieces.

Adolescence doesn’t offer solutions - that was not its intention. Instead it brilliantly - vitally - held up a mirror to show us what is happening and has been happening for years. In order to do something about it we must - in my opinion - do five things:

1 This is a national emergency - a national disaster. We must acknowledge that fact and take our collective heads out of the sand. 

2 We must educate ourselves on what our children - especially our teenagers - face in the world. That means asking them and listening to them - not telling them what is real, or right, or wrong, or how to manage it, or to just ignore it. 

3 We must change the relationship children have with their phones and with social media - we need an under 16s social media ban as part of a national effort to reset our online culture for teenagers. This will not just be about legislation but culture. We are in a deep hole but we need to start climbing out. That starts with no more digging and it starts with adults being better role models in how we use our phones. 

4 We must pick our battles if we are to win the war - that means schools focusing less on strict adherence to uniform polices, make-up, lip-gloss, earrings, trainers, shoes, and other things beside - and focus instead on helping our children build self-esteem and heathy relationships. I know the argument about “standards” and “discipline” but I know that we are wasting time fiddling at the edges of this small-stuff whilst on the big stuff - the stuff Adolescence shows us - the life-ending stuff - we are nowhere. 

5 Men need to show boys there are many, many ways to be a man - not just the Trump, Tate, McGregor way - but many, many other ways. That means that men need to be prepared to be vulnerable, to show our feelings, to shout less, talk more, listen even more, and find ways of connecting, in-person, with our children.

It seems that it’s not only our children who are talking about Adolescence but many others. I’ve had, and overheard, many conversations since it dropped on Netflix. It is ground-breaking TV. The sort of TV that gets the nation talking. Let’s harness that interest and awareness and get moving. We have a lot of work to do. There is no time to lose.

There are Jamies and Katies who need us. They need us now.