Therapist self disclosure: is sharing caring, or is it over-sharing?

As I worked on my new website - where this blog now lives - to prepare to launch my private practice (I am hopefully going to qualify and start working in June), I was faced with a decision. How much of me do I share?

The whole topic of 'self-disclosure', as it is termed within the counselling profession, is a hot one, with strong views being held. At the extremes, the positions are a) say and share nothing about yourself with a client, even if asked a direct question (e.g. do you have children, are you married, what is your favourite colour?) - for many who hold this view they would turn the question back on the client and ask why they are asking or say soemthing like "It seems to be important to you to know if I am married; or b) be totally open and transparent, answers all questions directly and proactively talk about your life and lived experience. Quite a difference in approach. 

As ever in counselling and in life, most of us sit somewhere in between these two positions - somewhere in the grey area. That said, my experience to date tells me that the available literature and the conventional wisdom within the profession I have heard is that less (self disclosure) is more, and that the majority of counsellors/therapists are more comfortable disclosing nothing or very, very little of themselves.  I take a different view.

I make a distinction between inside and outside the counselling room. In the room, my focus and attention is on my clients and I only make a personal disclosure when asked a question which I consider (in the very brief time available) that answering it meets the test of being authentic and honest, without taking attention away from the most important person in the room: my client;
or when sharing something of my own life and/or experience is helpful, relevant and is clearly staying with the client's frame of reference and is not directing the client away from their material or to move from a difficult emotion or feeling because one or both of us feels uncomfortable. 

Having made that distinction and set out my approach within the room - which is always governed by that test of helpfulness and relevance (to the client - not to me) - I am much more proactive and self-disclosing outside the room.

By that I mean on my website, blog, social media and when I speak and lecture about mental health and wellbeing. Part of what has brought me to this place (writing this blog as I continue my training and hopefully soon start my career as a qualified psychotherapist/counsellor) is my lived experience. My breakdown; years living with anxiety and depression (which I do every day); my time working with other therapists on my own life and challenges; all that I have done professionally and personally which helps to me make me the person and therapist I am today; and what I have learnt and learn every day working with clients. 

I want clients to be able to make an informed decision - their decision - about whether to contact me; enter into a therapeutic discussion with me; and, whether they think I am someone who could help them. There is already a power dynamic at play when a client goes to a counsellor/therapist asking for help, but I want to make this as insignificant as possible by removing any sense of the therapist as some unblemished expert on a pedestal but as a human being with a life and ups and downs and challenges of their own. That may not be what some clients want - but that's ok - they will know that about me up front so they can decide.

My website therefore involves some self disclosure; some sharing; some light shone into my life and my journey. I know that isn't for everyone, but that's the choice  I make - to be authentic; to be open; to be me.