Four years free of alcohol has given me new freedom
In December 2014, I was hospitalised with pneumonia. I spent a week in hospital: an emotional time away from my wonderful wife and darling (then ten month-old) daughter. What followed were several painful, distressing and life-changing months as I experienced my mental health breakdown. It was the result of many, many things in my life, dating back years and compounded by stressful jobs and my approach to doing them. It wasn't my fault. I wasn't to blame. But, I knew that some things had to change.
What I did in the subsequent days, weeks and months - and am continuing to do to this day - was to make significant changes in every aspect of my life: from my levels of exercise, sleep, my approach to life (trying to be more considered and deliberate) and how I spend my time - I spoke about this - my jam jar - recently on a podcast (https://youareenoughproject.libsyn.com/career-confidence-conversation-ben-jones). A small but important part of these changes took place four years ago to the day with the decision to go alcohol-free.
Like many people who don't drink (*insert your chosen description - I like to say I am now 'alcohol-free') we often get asked why, or experience the confused or suspicious look when we reveal this still socially-unacceptable decision. It is changing a bit - I read regularly about the numbers of people, especially young people, who don't drink at all (and have never drank) - but it is still something that when declared, like a clanging bag of duty free at the airport, it raises eyebrows and sideways glances. That reflects a number of things, including the culture that still pervades society in the UK and Ireland, with its ghastly 'gin o'clock' memes and easy use of 'you'll need a drink after that' narrative to explore how tough days should be tackled.
For me, drinking in the build up and aftermath of my breakdown was never a big part of my life. I was never a problem drinker. I was never someone who drank every day. I wasn't an addict, but I was someone for whom drink didn't work. It left me - even after one beer or glass of wine - feeling extra anxious for a day or more - something I didn't need on top of my existing anxieties and depression. When I started to reassess my whole life as I started my breakdown recovery I realised that my alcohol intake was on the list of things that needed to change. Why actively choose to drink something that made me feel worse? Drinking was for me, an act of self harm.
The last four years have been remarkably easy. I haven't missed drink once and cannot imagine any circumstances in which I will pick up a glass again - not unless it is for my go-to 'treat' drink of a tonic water with ice and lemon. I have always been a big tea drinker - thanks Nan - and now I am a pretty fussy tea-drinker; favouring tea leaves in the morning and Fortnum and Mason over PG Tips. The difference for me is that I really enjoy tea and is doesn't have a negative effect on me - quite the opposite.
My ongoing recovery - something I work at every day - is about doing things that are good for me - there is plenty of stuff that is thrown at us that is not good for us so why add to that list. It’s not rocket science. That includes making choices that help not hinder me. That free me up to enjoy life. That free me up from some of the shackles of feeling low or down. That free me up to be the best version of me.
Being alcohol-free means being free of one other source of anxiety and depression. It means removing a negative influence on me. It means giving me a better chance of having a good day. The decision to kick the booze four years ago was one of the best I've ever made: and I'll raise a cuppa to that today and every day to celebrate.